My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
