I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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