I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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