yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
