Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize