Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
