You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
