How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
3 2 1 whiskey
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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