How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
