I skipped work to stalk him.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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