Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
