the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
