I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
