it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
