if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
