I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
