Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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