I puked a lego.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
