btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
