my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
