so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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