I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
