she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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