I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
