I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
