I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
