On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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