will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
