I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
