I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
