I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
