there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
