i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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