we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
