after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
