He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
