Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize