Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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