I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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