Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize