FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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