Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
