the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize