first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
