He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
