Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
