Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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