I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize