Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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