Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
