Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
