my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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