Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize