Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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