The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I skipped work to stalk him.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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