Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
