There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
