No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
