it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
