ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
