Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
