She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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