drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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