we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
