I can tuck mytits in my pants
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
