i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I believe in your delicious
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
