hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
