I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
