It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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